Got Collaboration?

Have you noticed that most leaders and workers consider themselves quite collaborative?  How about you?  Are you collaborative?  I used to think of myself in that way.  By that, I meant that I worked well with others.  Then I was introduced to the Collaborative Operating System™ (COS), and everything changed.  It occurred to me that I'd never asked the questions of my team:  What is collaboration?  What would it take for us to become more collaborative?  What undermines collaboration?  Even after being trained in the theory and practice of the COS, I realized that I had only just embarked upon a lifetime of learning.

For anyone who feels similarly compelled by these questions, I offer the following description.  If this blog post clarifies why I’m so excited about the COS, then as far as I’m concerned, my time and energy will have been well spent.  If it serves to inspire you to become involved, even better.

The Collaborative Operating System™ Described

The Collaborative Operating System (COS) is predicated upon a new paradigm in leadership.  I know the word "paradigm" is overused these days, so allow me to be more specific.  What I mean is that it’s nearly impossible to appreciate what the COS is from the perspective of the prevailing paradigm.  Paradigms are those beliefs that are so solidly entrenched in our way of thinking that we can’t, without great effort, imagine an alternative way of thinking or believing… and often, we get scared of even trying.  There’s too much at stake.

At the risk of over-simplifying what the COS offers, I’ll attempt here to “bottom line” what the COS espouses by contrasting the Current Paradigm with the COS Paradigm.  Then I’ll describe the tools that enable new COS practitioners to “install” the system into their organizations.

The “Current Paradigm”:

As a leader who operates by the “current paradigm”, I must provide a path forward to those who would follow me.  I must articulate that path clearly and with enough conviction to ensure that my followers do what is needed to move us forward… because I cannot do it all myself.  Time is often my enemy.  I must cut through resistance quickly and often forcefully.  I begin by offering my “rationale” for the necessity of what I’m advocating for.  When people are sufficiently resistant, however, I must use my power and authority to ensure that my followers comply.  As I go about leading in this way, my unconscious tendency is to treat those who resist me as poorly behaved children.  Whenever those unconscious tendencies assert themselves in my observable behaviors (language, tone, actions, etc.), I reinforce the parent/child dynamic.  My followers begin either to lose faith in themselves (their training, experience and wisdom), or they find my leadership objectionable, even intolerable.  The former leads to compliance or “groupthink,” and reinforces the leader’s perspective that his or her strong “leadership” is required; the latter leads to further and often undisclosed resistance, sabotage and disengagement.  Either way, the group’s collective intelligence remains under-utilized.  We all learned this “current paradigm” while growing up in hierarchical families and educational institutions, and it’s self-reinforcing in the way that most paradigms are.

The current paradigm is attractive because it puts the emphasis on the speed of decision-making.  The cost is that relatively quick decisions too often give way to poor execution and compliance.

The “COS Paradigm”:

As a leader who operates by the “COS paradigm”, I must ensure that all the stakeholders (myself included) are fully engaged in our collective work.  I have no inherent power over anyone, nor does anyone have power over me.  I also have no less power than any member of the collective.  My full engagement will inspire others, and their full engagement will inspire me.  Full engagement requires that I take responsibility for ensuring that I’m “sufficiently aligned” with others around the work that we’re doing.  In other words, that we see and understand our work in the same way, at least to the extent necessary for us to engage without resistance. 

• Definition of Alignment: The extent to which we see and understand something (e.g., a problem, decision, or outcome) in the same way.

Full engagement also requires that everyone feels a “sufficient level of ownership” in the work that we’re doing.  In other words, when the work is complete, each contributor sees the results (good, bad or otherwise) as a reflection of his or her own efforts and his or her own level of engagement.  The opposite of taking ownership is that of being a victim and blaming others for less than optimal results.

• Definition of Ownership: The extent to which we feel or believe that something (e.g., a problem, decision, or outcome) is ours.

Ownership and Alignment (O&A) are the two principles that underlie everything that we do in the COS.  Every tool that we use is designed to increase the level of ownership and alignment that is shared among the stakeholders involved in our work.  For this reason, the COS is often described as a “go-slow-to-go-fast” system.  Planning and decision-making are typically slower, but engagement is higher and execution speed is much, much faster.  And with practice, collaborative teams become more trusting, which speeds up even the planning and decision-making processes.

The COS Toolkit:

1)     The Problem-Solving Template:  This basic tool, when used in conjunction with an awareness of what builds O&A, helps the stakeholders become clear about and fully engaged in their work.

2)     Stakeholder Types/Rings of Involvement:  These tools help to identify different categories of stakeholders and how to involve them in a way that creates sufficient levels of O&A among everyone affected by the work.

3)     Meeting Design Template: This tool helps to structure meetings such that participants feel a sufficient level of O&A around both the content of the meeting (what will be addressed) and the processes that will be employed (how the group will address each content item.)

4)     Collaborative Facilitation Technique:  This module addresses the techniques that help meeting facilitators build O&A before, during and after group meetings, and highlights “traps” that facilitators often fall into that serve to undermine O&A among the group.

5)     Team Charter:  This tool helps a collaborative group become clear about the overall purpose of their work, and to specify individual roles and boundary conditions around the work the team is to perform.

6)     Team Governance/Agreements:  These tools help a collaborative team make explicit how the group will function so that no single member of the group is needed to step in as a traditional (authoritative) leader.  (For example, when conflict arises, the group has sufficiently robust agreements to resolve the conflict without any intervention by a powerful and authoritative leader.)

7)     The Collaborative Plan:  This tool helps groups see their work from the meta level… and helps guide their planning process in a clear and structured manner that leads to a high level of O&A among all the stakeholders.

What if all people everywhere were guided by the principles of ownership and alignment?  I wonder.  If this brief description of the COS has served to pique your curiosity, you can find out more about it here.  Or write a comment below.  Either way, I look forward to exploring with you.

Trend Lines

The other day, I was speaking with a client who works in the financial services sector.  Out of that discussion came some powerful insights worth sharing.  We were discussing how we might measure the value that he derives from coaching.  (Note: If you’re not having that discussion with your coach, chances are you’re not maximizing the value of your investment.)  What came up in our discussion was the notion of trend lines.

In coaching, trend lines represent a simple but widely misunderstood and underutilized concept, so allow me first to share the basics.

First and foremost, in order to establish a trend, there must be data.  In other words, it’s difficult to evaluate what we don’t measure.  If, for example, you establish a goal to increase revenue, then tracking income and expenses is necessary in order to assess your progress.  Or, if your goal is to establish more work/life balance, you might track the number of hours you work each day or week, or conversely, the number of hours you spend engaged in fulfilling activities with family and friends.  Only after a meaningful metric has been established can we evaluate whether our trend is upward, downward or flat.

In an up-trend, a line is drawn under successive higher lows...forming a upward trend line. 

A trend line drawn across successive lower highs depicts the down-trend. 

Adding a bit more nuance to these definitions, it takes at least three successive points to confirm a trend line.  Two points can offer only tentative information about the existence of an emerging trend.  Another way of looking at it is that it takes time to establish a trend.  Short term fluctuations are of less value in determining a trend than are long term patterns.

This brings me to the primary point of this post.  Life has a way of throwing us curve balls.  Despite our best efforts to impact our lives in positive ways (however we define positive) there will be upsets.  We will have a string of successes that we consider an upward trend and then encounter a setback.  The mistake is to interpret that setback as the indication of a downward trend.  Or conversely, we can have one or two successes and conclude that we’ve established a solidly positive upward trend.  Neither is true until we’ve collected sufficient data over sufficient time to feel confident about the trend.

Why am I taking the time to describe this concept?  What practical value can be derived from understanding trend lines?

First and most obviously, if you’re not establishing the metrics by which you’ll assess progress, you won’t truly understand whether progress is being made, much less your rate of progress.

Second, by tracking these metrics over time, short-term gains or setbacks can more easily be contextualized appropriately.  Rather than spending significant time and energy on processing a singular event, we can more easily recognize the outlier as an aberration and move on.

Finally, we can incorporate a new practice into our behaviors.  In coaching, the practice is called “clearing.”  In meetings, it’s called “checking-in.”  These practices allow us to share whatever is top-of-mind and potentially in the way – a recent failure or disappointment, perhaps – so that we can choose our focus more consciously.

It’s been said before and bears repeating:  The most successful people in life are not those who succeed at everything they do (such people do not exist), but rather, those who accept the inevitability of occasional setbacks, rapidly recover emotionally, glean what can be learned, course correct and keep going.

What if we learned consistently to set goals, measure progress, detect trends and celebrate the process and learning along the way?  How might that alter our experience of life?

A Poem On Asking Questions

Powerful Questions
By Mark Voorsanger


What if the secret to life came in asking
Some powerful questions before we go tasking?
What are the questions you’d ask day to day?
How might you pose them a powerful way?


    This practice is needed, it sets the right frame
    Establishing targets at which we then aim
    Curious nature evoked by a query
    Opens the door to new realms and new theory


What are your fears? From where do they hail?
What would be needed to blaze a new trail?
Limiting thoughts are the bane of us all
Where could we go if we broke down those walls?


    Asking such questions is all well and good
    But they alone won’t get us out of the woods
    Searching for answers is equally vital
    Questions alone are a book with no title


List your desires. Why do you want them?
What will they get you and how will you flaunt them?
What are your options and where might they take you?
How will you manage if others forsake you?


    Work must be done, but the benefits follow
    Without it, our lives almost always turn hollow
    Confusion will often arise in midlife
    And won’t be relieved by fast cars or a wife


What will you be when you finally grow up?
Who will determine the fill of your cup?
How can we be our own judge in the end
While needing approval from parents and friends?


    Answers emerge from our voices internal
    Capture them all in your personal journal
    Voice-work is based in the Jungian theory
    That egos are made up of parts, some quite bleary


What are you waiting for?  If not now, when?
If you delay what’s the cost? Then again
Acting on impulse is often too brisk
How might you balance good caution with risk?


    Making the unconscious parts of us clear
    Helps to make wholly new choices appear
    Inner work translates to greater successes
    Often relieving our lives’ biggest stresses


Who is affected and how will they feel?
Is there a win/win approach to the deal?
What is your purpose?  What has deep meaning?
How can you tell when it’s truth that you’re gleaning?


    This effort lends clarity, focus and light
    Leading to action where purpose takes flight
    Our internal landscape may undergo shifts
    But that’s, after all, how we bring our true gifts


So challenge yourself to begin asking questions
The likes of which mirror these prior suggestions
And answer them deeply from varied perspectives
While pondering all those conflicting objectives


    We promise that doing this work is worthwhile
    The gardens you till will become so fertile
    That wisdom will grow, inner peace will be yours
    And happier days will abound by the scores

A Poem On Leadership

Leadership, Steps One Through Three
by Mark Voorsanger


We gave a talk the other day
And this is what we had to say
Just follow these steps, one, two, three
You’ll be amazed at what you see

Your company will grow and grow
Investors will adore you so
Your bottom line will be the tops
As workers pull out all the stops

Got bad morale? Now don’t despair it
Our three steps will fast repair it
Or flagging sales? Just listen here
Steps one through three will make them dear

Three simple steps, that’s all it takes
Just follow them for goodness sakes
They’re all a leader has to do
Your company depends on you

But if you don’t, then be forewarned
You’ll suffer woes, be roundly scorned
Employees will detest their bosses
Investors will lament their losses

And customers will run away
Competitors will have their day
Your efforts will have been in vain
Your brand will go right down the drain

So use our steps and be the first
Get out in front, watch profits burst
It’s so simple, forget your fears
You’ll be extolled for years and years

What are the steps?  Okay we’ll list them
Have pen in hand or else you’ll miss them
But just in case you’re not prepared
Initially, you might feel scared

Don’t fret, it’s normal to react
These steps are new, and might seem whacked
Don’t let their novelty off-put you
Trust the process and they’ll suit you

With that preamble, now we’re free
To list our steps one, two and three

Step one is simple, but never easy
It’s “Trust your people”, does that sound cheesy?
Let them fall and never blame them
Ask “what’d you learn”, but never flame them

Trust creates conditions where
Your people’s brilliance comes to bear
On every opportunity
So trust your people, watch and see

Step two is harder, but worth the ends
It’s “Treat your folks as your best friends”
Pay attention, be of service
Lend a hand when they are nervous

We all can tell when others care
And when they don’t, then we won’t dare
To take the risk to be ourselves
We leave our best upon the shelves

Step three, it is the hardest one
So listen up, and we’ll be done
It’s “Speak your truth with humility,
Stay open to what others see”

This step has power, but it won’t fly
Without steps one and two nearby
And all together, steps one two three
Will generate results you’ll see

So heed this call, you won’t regret it
Reread this blog and don’t forget it
Fasten your seat belt, enjoy the ride
And take your new success in stride

And by the way, these steps are true
For everyone, including you
So trust yourself, be your best friend,
Speak truth inside and do attend

For you’ll be lost if you don’t start
With what’s inside, your mind, your heart
Good luck, dear leader, staying true
To these three steps, our gift to you

Could Parenting Be This Simple?

Let’s face it.  Most of us grew up in a hierarchical family.  Parents were the rulers of the household, and kids were expected to follow as loyal subjects.  If we made our families’ operating principles explicit from the perspective of the child, they might read: 

• Do as you are told.
• Do not talk back to your parents.
• Do not question your parent’s authority.  They know best and do not appreciate explaining their reasoning.  Simply trust that they know best.
• When rules are established, you are expected to comply with them.  When you do not, you will be punished.  Punishment will vary depending upon your parents’ subjective assessment of the situation and also upon their current mood and disposition.
• Your parents love you, regardless of how they behave.  When they express disappointment and anger toward you, do not question their love for you.  In fact, such expressions reflect their deep and abiding love.
• When your parents act in ways that are inconsistent with the aforementioned principles, do not treat such aberrations as precedent-setting events.  The principles still apply.

Of course, the operating principles of your family may have been different.  Some of the younger parents that I know grew up reacting so strongly to these hierarchically oriented principles as children that they simply rejected them after becoming parents themselves.  As a result, some of those parents have elected a different set of principles that might read:

• There shall be no hard and fast rules.
• When your parents find your behavior displeasing, the situation will be discussed in an adult fashion (and often ad nauseam) in an attempt to improve your behavior.
• Your parents will sometimes have breakdowns and lose their temper.  In such events, you may be punished.  Punishment will vary depending upon your parents’ subjective assessment of the situation and also upon their current mood and disposition.
• Your parents love you, regardless of how they behave.  When they express disappointment and anger toward you, do not question their love for you.  In fact, such expressions reflect their deep and abiding love.
• Notwithstanding the occasional parental breakdown, the aforementioned principles shall still apply.

Regardless of the principles employed by your own parents, or the principles you may be following as a parent yourself, chances are they have not been made as explicit as those listed above.  If they were, perhaps we’d all be inspired to evaluate them more consciously.

In my family, we’ve certainly experienced our share of breakdowns in the past.  One memorable breakdown involved a dispute between my daughters, Melanie and Holly, when they were 14 and 10 years old.  One of Melanie’s chores was to do the laundry for both girls.  The breakdown occurred because the laundry wasn’t getting done in a way that worked for Holly.  Regularly, Holly would run out of clean socks, jeans, or something else and ask Melanie, “Please, do the laundry!”  It’ll be no surprise to parents that Melanie did not take kindly to having her little sister reminding her of her chore.  Every time Holly would ask, Melanie would respond by saying, “If you ask me again, I’ll wait even longer before I do the laundry.”  Clearly, my girls were at an impasse.

One evening the situation erupted into tears and I decided to step in.  The three of us sat down together in the living room and I said only a few words to “open” the family meeting.

First, I asked Melanie what was going on from her perspective.  “Dad, I know the laundry is my chore and I do it.  I just hate it when Holly is always pestering me.  It drives me crazy.  Can you please make her stop?!?!”  I repeated back what I heard as neutrally as I could and asked whether I had heard Melanie correctly.  I had.  (This drove Holly crazy.)

Then I ask Holly what was going on from her perspective.  “Dad, it’s not fair.  Melanie does the laundry when she needs something cleaned, but never does it when I run out of clothes.  What can I do?  If I ask her to do the laundry, she gets mad at me.  If I don’t say anything, I’m always running out of clothes!”  Again, I repeated back what I heard as neutrally as I could and asked whether I had heard Holly correctly.  I had. (This drove Melanie crazy.)

I then shared my perspective that both girls are truly kind and loving people.  They express their love to me and to each other most of the time.  But in this situation, they were stuck in a pattern that made it difficult to be their best selves and live according to their highest principles.  “The problem as I see it,” I said, “is simply that we have no agreement about when and how frequently the laundry will get done.”  I explained that such an agreement would have to make clear what was expected from everyone involved and how it should be handled when any part of the agreement is broken.

What happened next was truly magical.  Both Melanie and Holly reiterated what they want.  Melanie didn’t want to be pestered by her little sister, and Holly simply wanted clean clothes to wear.  They then went about crafting an agreement that works for both of them.  During their discussion, I remained mostly silent, asking questions only when it appeared to me that their proposals wouldn’t serve their respective interests.  Within very little time, Melanie had agreed to do the laundry every Monday night in time for school Tuesday morning.  Holly had agreed never to ask Melanie to do the laundry unless it was nearly bedtime on Monday evening.  They now had an agreement.

What was even more heartening was the conversation that followed.  The girls went on to discuss other areas of tension in their relationship, and all on their own, identified additional agreements they might make to resolve their difficulties.  Wow!  I was over the moon with joy and so proud of these two young women.  They were proud of themselves, too.

This prompted me to wonder… What if every family co-created a list of operating principles?  What if those principles were examined and explored by both parents and children alike, so as to make possible the development of the family’s “operating agreements.”

Rather than having rules established by the [hierarchical] parents, or having an environment where expected behaviors are left implicit and discussed incessantly, what if these “operating agreements” offered enough clarity and specificity to enable each family member to know what is expected.  Unlike rules, agreements would reflect what was agreed to by everyone affected by the agreement.

What if the agreements not only reflected the family’s principles, but also provided clear ramifications in the event that agreements were broken; ramifications that were also agreed to by everyone affected?  How might that impact your family and families across the nation and the world?  How might this approach help our children grow up to become better leaders, fostering agreements between communities, teams, organizations and nations?  I wonder…

Do You Know Your Principles?

Do you occasionally experience conflict in your relationships with others? If you answered “no” to that question, then I feel honored to have Your Holiness the Dalai Lama reading my blog! For the rest of us, conflict is unavoidable. For a moment, think back to a time when you were in deep conflict with someone close to you. Can you remember the circumstances? Can you remember the feeling of it? Whether or not the conflict erupted into a full-blown argument, chances are you felt something in your body during that moment of conflict. For me, it’s a feeling of tightness in the pit of my stomach. For others, it may be a constriction of the chest or the throat. Whatever that feeling is for you, it’s worth noticing it consciously because it’s your early warning system. That feeling is likely telling us that our principles are getting stepped on.

When grappling with conflict in relationship, I encourage clients to think of themselves as a country.  (This idea comes from Organizational & Relationship Systems Coaching, developed by The Center for Right Relationship.)  I’ll ask, “When people visit your country, how do you like them to behave? In your country, how are emotions expressed? In what ways do people show enthusiasm, disapproval, love, compassion, anger, fear and joy?”

When you think about it, we all have our own cultural norms. For example, some of us express fear by going inward and becoming quiet, while others are more likely to lash out. Some prefer experiencing joyful moments in solitude, while others prefer to share the experience with others. Whatever our personal preferences, when we are in relationship with others, cultures sometimes collide making it difficult to communicate effectively. And sometimes, our cultural norms are located so deeply within our internal wiring that we might not even be conscious of them. These are the operating principles by which we lead our lives, and when they are unconscious, we tend to regard them as unquestionably TRUE.

I have one client, for example, who finds it almost impossible to engage in conversation when she senses anger (her own, but especially another person’s.) The expression of anger is so threatening to her, in fact, that she pretty much shuts down completely whenever it appears. Of course, that’s a pretty common reaction to anger, but not a universal one. Some people can actually interpret the open expression of anger as a show of intimacy. In this case, and without having to psychoanalyze the origins of my client’s fears around anger, it was helpful simply to acknowledge that they exist and play out in her behavior with others. As a result, she developed an understanding of one of her operating principles:

• Principle #1: I do not engage in communication to address differences when my partner and I are expressing anger.

Now that may seem like an obvious principle to some, but think about how often people engage in angry debate ostensibly in an effort to resolve conflict. Despite how ineffective the strategy (within some cultures), people do this all the time. Of course, sometimes it’s not possible for us to discuss differences without feelings of anger surfacing. For my client, however, becoming more aware of her operating principle around anger allowed her to communicate proactively about what does and does not work… for her.

When we discussed this principle further, however, she realized that she holds yet another competing principle. That is:

• Principle #2: I do not believe in allowing significant differences to remain unresolved in my close relationships.

Many of the recurring difficulties that my client was experiencing in her close relationships related to the tension that she was feeling between these two competing principles. As a result of clearly identifying them, however, she was able to discuss them more objectively with people close to her, and to develop agreements that acknowledge those principles. One way through for her, for example, was to express her commitment always to return to conversation after emotions had cooled down. Others could understand and feel more comfortable allowing for a cooling off period once it was made clear that she would always return to the conversation later.

What I love about this way of thinking in general is that, when interacting with people who are literally from other countries, I’m often more willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. I simply assume that our cultures are different, and so I don’t as easily get upset when communication breaks down. Instead, I seek to find common ground and common language, and then work toward bridging the gap in our cultural divide. This line of thinking prompted me to wonder… What if we all treated others as if they came from another country, complete with their own unique cultural norms, behaviors and operating principles?

I'll close with a suggestion... The next time you get that uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach, or in your chest or throat, ask yourself this question: What are my operating principles, and how are they being stepped on in this moment? If an answer comes to mind, ask whether you’ve communicated those principles to the people in your life.  Et voila... one step closer to world peace.

Here’s some backward thinking…

A friend of mine, named Ellen, recently asked whether I'd ever created a “backward design”. No, I hadn’t, nor did I know what it was. So Ellen explained to me that a backward design is a short description of “the impact that you would like to have had on the world by the time you die.” Hmmm, that sounded familiar. I had heard of something like this before, but it was referred to it as “writing your own obituary.” Somehow, Ellen’s definition of a backward design evoked something very different. Rather than being focused on me and how I hoped to be perceived by others (an ego-centric view of my life), the backward design was about the impact of my life… how others and the world had been influenced and changed as a result of my being here on Earth.

I was inspired to write my own backward design, which I’ll share with you here...

Mark’s Backward Design:
By the time I die, and together with a growing number of inspired and like-minded collaborators, we will have left an indelible imprint upon the world. Schools at every level and around the world will have incorporated the fundamental principles of collaboration into all that we teach our children. Teachers will recognize and acknowledge the inalienable right of students to formulate opinions, express those opinions, and make choices that align with those opinions. Students will be discouraged from entertaining notions of right and wrong, and will instead be supported in developing the skills necessary to create mutual understanding and win/win scenarios and solutions in every human interaction and endeavor. This new breed of students will have graduated into the workforce in significant numbers. Workers will have learned to rely less (if at all) on hierarchical decision making. Instead, they will have developed the practice of seeking their own council and the wisdom of others to create a shared vision upon which to take collective actions… in each case, a vision that they strive to see and understand in the same way as their peers. As a result, they will feel a deep sense of ownership for the results that they generate through their collaborative efforts. Organizational structures will adapt in ways that support the collaborative mindset. The use of power and authority will give way to a new collaborative paradigm in business, government, and community efforts. That paradigm shift will engender a profound sense of engagement in the work that people do in the world, and lead to previously unimagined levels of individual and collective creativity, resourcefulness, productivity, and fulfillment among its practitioners. The world's most intractable problems will be transformed and solutions developed through the powerful collaborative efforts of people worldwide.

And you know what? I actually inspired myself! Of course, that was exactly the point… to inspire and then focus myself on what’s most important. The great thing about sharing your backward design with others (and the world) is that then others (and the world) can offer feedback, guidance and support, specifically to help you achieve what’s most import. If others don’t know what we’re up to, they can’t help… And it’s rare (if not impossible) to achieve big results in the world without help. Amen.

This exercise prompted me to wonder… What if everyone were to write a backward design and post it for the world to see? How might that influence the course of our lives? Rather than requiring people to “reverse engineer” our intended meaning and impact, we would share it explicitly with the world, seeking out guidance and support from others. How might that change the world? I wonder…