Trend Lines

The other day, I was speaking with a client who works in the financial services sector.  Out of that discussion came some powerful insights worth sharing.  We were discussing how we might measure the value that he derives from coaching.  (Note: If you’re not having that discussion with your coach, chances are you’re not maximizing the value of your investment.)  What came up in our discussion was the notion of trend lines.

In coaching, trend lines represent a simple but widely misunderstood and underutilized concept, so allow me first to share the basics.

First and foremost, in order to establish a trend, there must be data.  In other words, it’s difficult to evaluate what we don’t measure.  If, for example, you establish a goal to increase revenue, then tracking income and expenses is necessary in order to assess your progress.  Or, if your goal is to establish more work/life balance, you might track the number of hours you work each day or week, or conversely, the number of hours you spend engaged in fulfilling activities with family and friends.  Only after a meaningful metric has been established can we evaluate whether our trend is upward, downward or flat.

In an up-trend, a line is drawn under successive higher lows...forming a upward trend line. 

A trend line drawn across successive lower highs depicts the down-trend. 

Adding a bit more nuance to these definitions, it takes at least three successive points to confirm a trend line.  Two points can offer only tentative information about the existence of an emerging trend.  Another way of looking at it is that it takes time to establish a trend.  Short term fluctuations are of less value in determining a trend than are long term patterns.

This brings me to the primary point of this post.  Life has a way of throwing us curve balls.  Despite our best efforts to impact our lives in positive ways (however we define positive) there will be upsets.  We will have a string of successes that we consider an upward trend and then encounter a setback.  The mistake is to interpret that setback as the indication of a downward trend.  Or conversely, we can have one or two successes and conclude that we’ve established a solidly positive upward trend.  Neither is true until we’ve collected sufficient data over sufficient time to feel confident about the trend.

Why am I taking the time to describe this concept?  What practical value can be derived from understanding trend lines?

First and most obviously, if you’re not establishing the metrics by which you’ll assess progress, you won’t truly understand whether progress is being made, much less your rate of progress.

Second, by tracking these metrics over time, short-term gains or setbacks can more easily be contextualized appropriately.  Rather than spending significant time and energy on processing a singular event, we can more easily recognize the outlier as an aberration and move on.

Finally, we can incorporate a new practice into our behaviors.  In coaching, the practice is called “clearing.”  In meetings, it’s called “checking-in.”  These practices allow us to share whatever is top-of-mind and potentially in the way – a recent failure or disappointment, perhaps – so that we can choose our focus more consciously.

It’s been said before and bears repeating:  The most successful people in life are not those who succeed at everything they do (such people do not exist), but rather, those who accept the inevitability of occasional setbacks, rapidly recover emotionally, glean what can be learned, course correct and keep going.

What if we learned consistently to set goals, measure progress, detect trends and celebrate the process and learning along the way?  How might that alter our experience of life?

A Poem On Asking Questions

Powerful Questions
By Mark Voorsanger


What if the secret to life came in asking
Some powerful questions before we go tasking?
What are the questions you’d ask day to day?
How might you pose them a powerful way?


    This practice is needed, it sets the right frame
    Establishing targets at which we then aim
    Curious nature evoked by a query
    Opens the door to new realms and new theory


What are your fears? From where do they hail?
What would be needed to blaze a new trail?
Limiting thoughts are the bane of us all
Where could we go if we broke down those walls?


    Asking such questions is all well and good
    But they alone won’t get us out of the woods
    Searching for answers is equally vital
    Questions alone are a book with no title


List your desires. Why do you want them?
What will they get you and how will you flaunt them?
What are your options and where might they take you?
How will you manage if others forsake you?


    Work must be done, but the benefits follow
    Without it, our lives almost always turn hollow
    Confusion will often arise in midlife
    And won’t be relieved by fast cars or a wife


What will you be when you finally grow up?
Who will determine the fill of your cup?
How can we be our own judge in the end
While needing approval from parents and friends?


    Answers emerge from our voices internal
    Capture them all in your personal journal
    Voice-work is based in the Jungian theory
    That egos are made up of parts, some quite bleary


What are you waiting for?  If not now, when?
If you delay what’s the cost? Then again
Acting on impulse is often too brisk
How might you balance good caution with risk?


    Making the unconscious parts of us clear
    Helps to make wholly new choices appear
    Inner work translates to greater successes
    Often relieving our lives’ biggest stresses


Who is affected and how will they feel?
Is there a win/win approach to the deal?
What is your purpose?  What has deep meaning?
How can you tell when it’s truth that you’re gleaning?


    This effort lends clarity, focus and light
    Leading to action where purpose takes flight
    Our internal landscape may undergo shifts
    But that’s, after all, how we bring our true gifts


So challenge yourself to begin asking questions
The likes of which mirror these prior suggestions
And answer them deeply from varied perspectives
While pondering all those conflicting objectives


    We promise that doing this work is worthwhile
    The gardens you till will become so fertile
    That wisdom will grow, inner peace will be yours
    And happier days will abound by the scores

A Poem On Leadership

Leadership, Steps One Through Three
by Mark Voorsanger


We gave a talk the other day
And this is what we had to say
Just follow these steps, one, two, three
You’ll be amazed at what you see

Your company will grow and grow
Investors will adore you so
Your bottom line will be the tops
As workers pull out all the stops

Got bad morale? Now don’t despair it
Our three steps will fast repair it
Or flagging sales? Just listen here
Steps one through three will make them dear

Three simple steps, that’s all it takes
Just follow them for goodness sakes
They’re all a leader has to do
Your company depends on you

But if you don’t, then be forewarned
You’ll suffer woes, be roundly scorned
Employees will detest their bosses
Investors will lament their losses

And customers will run away
Competitors will have their day
Your efforts will have been in vain
Your brand will go right down the drain

So use our steps and be the first
Get out in front, watch profits burst
It’s so simple, forget your fears
You’ll be extolled for years and years

What are the steps?  Okay we’ll list them
Have pen in hand or else you’ll miss them
But just in case you’re not prepared
Initially, you might feel scared

Don’t fret, it’s normal to react
These steps are new, and might seem whacked
Don’t let their novelty off-put you
Trust the process and they’ll suit you

With that preamble, now we’re free
To list our steps one, two and three

Step one is simple, but never easy
It’s “Trust your people”, does that sound cheesy?
Let them fall and never blame them
Ask “what’d you learn”, but never flame them

Trust creates conditions where
Your people’s brilliance comes to bear
On every opportunity
So trust your people, watch and see

Step two is harder, but worth the ends
It’s “Treat your folks as your best friends”
Pay attention, be of service
Lend a hand when they are nervous

We all can tell when others care
And when they don’t, then we won’t dare
To take the risk to be ourselves
We leave our best upon the shelves

Step three, it is the hardest one
So listen up, and we’ll be done
It’s “Speak your truth with humility,
Stay open to what others see”

This step has power, but it won’t fly
Without steps one and two nearby
And all together, steps one two three
Will generate results you’ll see

So heed this call, you won’t regret it
Reread this blog and don’t forget it
Fasten your seat belt, enjoy the ride
And take your new success in stride

And by the way, these steps are true
For everyone, including you
So trust yourself, be your best friend,
Speak truth inside and do attend

For you’ll be lost if you don’t start
With what’s inside, your mind, your heart
Good luck, dear leader, staying true
To these three steps, our gift to you

Could Parenting Be This Simple?

Let’s face it.  Most of us grew up in a hierarchical family.  Parents were the rulers of the household, and kids were expected to follow as loyal subjects.  If we made our families’ operating principles explicit from the perspective of the child, they might read: 

• Do as you are told.
• Do not talk back to your parents.
• Do not question your parent’s authority.  They know best and do not appreciate explaining their reasoning.  Simply trust that they know best.
• When rules are established, you are expected to comply with them.  When you do not, you will be punished.  Punishment will vary depending upon your parents’ subjective assessment of the situation and also upon their current mood and disposition.
• Your parents love you, regardless of how they behave.  When they express disappointment and anger toward you, do not question their love for you.  In fact, such expressions reflect their deep and abiding love.
• When your parents act in ways that are inconsistent with the aforementioned principles, do not treat such aberrations as precedent-setting events.  The principles still apply.

Of course, the operating principles of your family may have been different.  Some of the younger parents that I know grew up reacting so strongly to these hierarchically oriented principles as children that they simply rejected them after becoming parents themselves.  As a result, some of those parents have elected a different set of principles that might read:

• There shall be no hard and fast rules.
• When your parents find your behavior displeasing, the situation will be discussed in an adult fashion (and often ad nauseam) in an attempt to improve your behavior.
• Your parents will sometimes have breakdowns and lose their temper.  In such events, you may be punished.  Punishment will vary depending upon your parents’ subjective assessment of the situation and also upon their current mood and disposition.
• Your parents love you, regardless of how they behave.  When they express disappointment and anger toward you, do not question their love for you.  In fact, such expressions reflect their deep and abiding love.
• Notwithstanding the occasional parental breakdown, the aforementioned principles shall still apply.

Regardless of the principles employed by your own parents, or the principles you may be following as a parent yourself, chances are they have not been made as explicit as those listed above.  If they were, perhaps we’d all be inspired to evaluate them more consciously.

In my family, we’ve certainly experienced our share of breakdowns in the past.  One memorable breakdown involved a dispute between my daughters, Melanie and Holly, when they were 14 and 10 years old.  One of Melanie’s chores was to do the laundry for both girls.  The breakdown occurred because the laundry wasn’t getting done in a way that worked for Holly.  Regularly, Holly would run out of clean socks, jeans, or something else and ask Melanie, “Please, do the laundry!”  It’ll be no surprise to parents that Melanie did not take kindly to having her little sister reminding her of her chore.  Every time Holly would ask, Melanie would respond by saying, “If you ask me again, I’ll wait even longer before I do the laundry.”  Clearly, my girls were at an impasse.

One evening the situation erupted into tears and I decided to step in.  The three of us sat down together in the living room and I said only a few words to “open” the family meeting.

First, I asked Melanie what was going on from her perspective.  “Dad, I know the laundry is my chore and I do it.  I just hate it when Holly is always pestering me.  It drives me crazy.  Can you please make her stop?!?!”  I repeated back what I heard as neutrally as I could and asked whether I had heard Melanie correctly.  I had.  (This drove Holly crazy.)

Then I ask Holly what was going on from her perspective.  “Dad, it’s not fair.  Melanie does the laundry when she needs something cleaned, but never does it when I run out of clothes.  What can I do?  If I ask her to do the laundry, she gets mad at me.  If I don’t say anything, I’m always running out of clothes!”  Again, I repeated back what I heard as neutrally as I could and asked whether I had heard Holly correctly.  I had. (This drove Melanie crazy.)

I then shared my perspective that both girls are truly kind and loving people.  They express their love to me and to each other most of the time.  But in this situation, they were stuck in a pattern that made it difficult to be their best selves and live according to their highest principles.  “The problem as I see it,” I said, “is simply that we have no agreement about when and how frequently the laundry will get done.”  I explained that such an agreement would have to make clear what was expected from everyone involved and how it should be handled when any part of the agreement is broken.

What happened next was truly magical.  Both Melanie and Holly reiterated what they want.  Melanie didn’t want to be pestered by her little sister, and Holly simply wanted clean clothes to wear.  They then went about crafting an agreement that works for both of them.  During their discussion, I remained mostly silent, asking questions only when it appeared to me that their proposals wouldn’t serve their respective interests.  Within very little time, Melanie had agreed to do the laundry every Monday night in time for school Tuesday morning.  Holly had agreed never to ask Melanie to do the laundry unless it was nearly bedtime on Monday evening.  They now had an agreement.

What was even more heartening was the conversation that followed.  The girls went on to discuss other areas of tension in their relationship, and all on their own, identified additional agreements they might make to resolve their difficulties.  Wow!  I was over the moon with joy and so proud of these two young women.  They were proud of themselves, too.

This prompted me to wonder… What if every family co-created a list of operating principles?  What if those principles were examined and explored by both parents and children alike, so as to make possible the development of the family’s “operating agreements.”

Rather than having rules established by the [hierarchical] parents, or having an environment where expected behaviors are left implicit and discussed incessantly, what if these “operating agreements” offered enough clarity and specificity to enable each family member to know what is expected.  Unlike rules, agreements would reflect what was agreed to by everyone affected by the agreement.

What if the agreements not only reflected the family’s principles, but also provided clear ramifications in the event that agreements were broken; ramifications that were also agreed to by everyone affected?  How might that impact your family and families across the nation and the world?  How might this approach help our children grow up to become better leaders, fostering agreements between communities, teams, organizations and nations?  I wonder…